Running In The Shadows
by Do-The-Panic
Summary: When Bella finds herself a Ward of the State, she does what she has to, in order to protect her family. But what happens when real life starts catching up with her and an unfamiliar acquaintance wants to break down her walls? AH.OOC. Usual Pairs


**Summary:** In the aftermath of a tragic accident, Bella suddenly faces loosing everything she has ever known. With no one to turn too, Bella makes a rash decision, which irrevocably changes the rest of her life forever. How long can she keep the façade, before the life she has been running from catches up with her?

** Disclaimer:** All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners.

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**Running In The Shadows**

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**Prologue**

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'And faster than you can follow me from this lonely place.

And farther than you can find me, I'm leaving

Yeah I'm leaving today.'

Running Away - Midnight Hour

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**May 2005**

The moonlight shone through a crack in the curtains, falling upon the small bedroom, which looked more like a treasure cove. Eye patches, sparkling plastic swords and treasure maps lay strewn across the floor and Bella Swan couldn't help but notice that they hadn't moved from their positions in three days. She gently ran her fingers over the delicate appliqué patterns on the deep blue duvet, sighing in frustration.

"RJ? Wake up, Little Man. Come on."

A pirate ship lantern glowed in the darkness and Bella could vaguely see the hands of the clock fixed to the bedroom wall. She squinted in the darkness trying to make out the time.

1:13 am.

It was early. Too early and Bella literally felt sick at what she was about to do. In a matter of minutes, her whole plan could be reduced to nothing and where would that leave them? There were so many things she was counting on in order to get this right and the biggest of them all, lay hidden under the pirate themed duvet.

She ran her fingers along the silk before gently pulling back the cover and sighing. Riley James Swan, lay curled up in the centre of the bed, one hand wrapped around the Steiff pirate teddy bear and the other twisted into the bed sheets underneath him. She could pick out the rigidness in his body, and the awkwardness of the position he was lying in. His pajama top had twisted around his torso, and his fingers clutched at the teddy bear with such desperation, that she wondered if her brief absence had been the cause of this change. Though she hadn't heard him cry out, or wake up shouting her name; the picture before her wasn't exactly a Kodak moment either.

Glancing up at the clock again, she worked out she had only left him for an hour at the most, because it wasn't like she could pack a lot of things any way. It was times like these that she wondered if she would be enough, or did he need someone that could help him better than she could? Would he actually be better off without her?

Though it would be difficult being separated at such a young age, in ten years time would he thank her? She couldn't give him the life he deserved, but she also knew that she was too selfish to let him go so easily. She knew her parents would have wanted them to remain together and that Bella told herself, was the reason she was doing this.

Though she knew it wasn't his fault, she sometimes wished he were older and had a bigger understanding of everything. But then again maybe if he did, his perception of her would be a lot different too.

As it was though, Riley needed everything to be simple. Black and white, yes and no, right and wrong and as a result Riley's inquisitive mind was proving taxing. She couldn't find the answers to the questions he asked, knowing that the answer wasn't so simple and he simply couldn't comprehend something of that magnitude.

And as much as she loved him, sometimes she couldn't help but feel angry with him. Though she knew her anger towards him was unfair, she too needed someone to care for her and hold her gently as she cried. But she reminded herself she didn't deserve anyone's help or comfort. This was all her fault after all.

But she still couldn't help feeling out of her depth. She had no one to turn to for help, the day Riley locked himself in the bathroom for hours, or the time when she found him walking absently down the street – tugging Pirate Pete along with him. Their familial lines had suddenly began to blur and Bella soon found herself bathing and cooking and tending to Riley's every need. But it wasn't without its problems. The first time she had tried to wash him, he had dragged the bear into the bath and Bella hadn't realized that nothing, not even water, would keep Riley from holding the sodden bear all night long.

Her whole experience of this was limited and that made Bella feel oddly hysterical. Though she told herself it would come natural, trying to will herself to be the best she could be, for Riley's sake. What did she really know about looking after a child?

"Riley." She whispered again, gently running her fingers soothingly through his hair. It was flat against his pale forehead, sticky and wet from sweat. Pushing the strands away from his face, her fingers stroked their way across his cheek, running over his nose and down under his jaw, gently coaxing him awake. She could feel him begin to stir, his breathing regaining its choppy agitated pace, but his eyes remained closed.

She held her breath, willing for him to say something else.

"Mommy?" He whispered and Bella's stomach dropped. Every day it was the same, and everyday she gave him the same answer.

"No sweetheart," she replied, watching as his fingers flexed tightly around Pirate Pete as she spoke.

"When will daddy get here?" He asked again, refusing to acknowledge her previous statement. But Bella remained silent. She still couldn't answer that question, no matter how many times he had asked it.

The first time Bella had simply broke down in tears, sweeping him up into her arms and letting the question linger unanswered between them. After all, how could she explain something to a four year old, which she could barely comprehend herself?

But when Riley began to repeat it, his voice growing more desperate each time, Bella realized that lying would only make this harder in the long run. So she told him the truth in simple terms. Acutely aware there was nothing simple about any of it. But it didn't matter anyway. Riley didn't believe it, instead choosing to rip and tear and shred anything around him because of her 'lies'.

Not knowing how to handle a four year old in a meltdown, Bella had acted upon instinct, pinning his small body down to the bed in fear that he was going to end up seriously hurting himself. Within the prison of her arms, Riley had hit and bit and kicked every inch of her aching body, as she crouched above him. Oblivious to Bella's tears, which were falling down onto him. Yet she remained powerless to stop his attack, even urging him to take his anger and pain out on her.

Riley opened his eyes, waiting for Bella to answer the question but she sat back averting her eyes away until he stopped staring. "Come on Jim-Jam," she repeated again, pulling the duvet back fully and standing up.

"No. I wait for mommy and daddy," He replied, his eyes turning towards the door, before doing a sweep of the small bedroom.

Bella held her breath as he glanced around the room, wondering if he would notice how much had disappeared whilst he had been sleeping. His mouth opened partly and Bella knew this was a conversation she definitely didn't want to have.

Instead she tried to distract him before he could speak, "I want to show you something," she said.

She held her hand out as an offering, but he simply knocked it away angrily, picking up Pirate Pete and turning back over in the bed. She could see his t-shirt had twisted again, but she knew reaching towards him now, no matter how uncomfortable he may be, would only set him off.

"Please Little Man."

"No. I'm tired," he sighed, lifting his thumb towards his mouth to sooth himself.

"I know, but it wont take long, I promise. Come on Jim Jam, we're gonna have a night time adventure like Peter Pan and Wendy."

Riley turned over in the bed, cautiously gazing at Bella. She could tell he was interested by the gleam in his eye and though she tried to feel guilty at using such a tactic to get him to go with her, she wasn't above using such tactics when desperate measures called for it.

"I'll even let you wear you're pirate hat," she added, reaching forward and sweeping it off the floor.

She glanced up at the clock again and knew she had already wasted too much time. Holding out the hat towards him, she beckoned him out of the bed, trying to keep the panicked edge from her tone.

"Come on, you don't want to let Peter Pan have all the fun do you?"

The question hung in the air, and she watched as Riley's eyes widened. She could tell he desperately wanted to go, but she also knew the reason why he refused to move as well. He was waiting, but Bella knew they would be waiting forever for what Riley was hoping for.

"K. Carry me?" he asked, holding his arms up from his position. She breathed a sigh of relief and stepped forward to sweep him into her arms. Popping the hat on his head, she wrapped her arms around him tightly and began to move towards the stairs. Pirate Pete was tucked safely between them and Bella didn't even want to think about what would happen if she accidentally left him behind. Riley settled his face into her neck, his breath softly blowing in her ear.

"We going to Never Land Bells?"

It was a name he had picked up from their father and though Riley didn't understand, every time those words left his lips; a sharp pain ripped through Bella's chest. She wasn't ready to remember yet, it hurt too much and Riley needed her to stay strong. But, the familiar name always brought a small smile to his lips, so how could Bella hate anything that did that?

"You'll have to wait and see."

"Will mommy come too?" He added innocently, but the shock made Bella stop walking immediately. Though she told herself she really needed to make him understand that they weren't coming back, she knew tonight wasn't the night. She had much more pressing things to deal with and falling to pieces while Riley screamed and refused her explanations, was not on the top of her list tonight. As gently as she could, Bella carried Riley down the stairs, making sure to turn the lights off in the house on her way down. She didn't want to attract any attention, from passers by who may glance intriguingly towards the house. Juggling him onto her hip, she pulled out the piece of paper from inside her jean pocket and placed it on the wooden table next to the door.

"What's that?" Asked Riley's little voice in her ear and Bella felt her heart thump loudly in her chest. Always so inquisitive, she thought.

"Its nothing for you to worry about Little Man. Just scrap paper."

"So mommy and daddy know where we go?" He asked again and Bella just nodded.

"They will always be watching you sweetheart. All day every day, they'll be with you forever."

Taking one last glance around the house, Bella's eyes fell upon the photograph hanging up on the wall. It was a recent picture of them all, taken at a professional photography studio – a Christmas gift from her mother's childhood friend Esme. The resemblance of Riley to her dad was striking; everything down from his curly mop of hair, to his twinkling eyes and it pained Bella to look at him sometimes. He hadn't been planned of course, not that Bella's parents loved him any less. But how many parents conceive a second child, twelve years after their first-born? Yet the Swans managed to make it work and though they had had their ups and downs, trying to struggle with a teenager and toddler. The Swans were loyal friends, loving parents and a great loss to the small town.

Urging herself forward, Bella took the photo from the wall and tucked it under her free arm, before walking to the door and making her way outside. She quickly locked the door, before glancing around the dark street, checking that it was still empty. She really didn't need someone snooping on her or spotting their unusual trip at such a late hour because it would be bound to raise a lot of difficult questions. Riley began softly snoozing in her ear and she couldn't help but feel relieved.

Opening the car door, she settled Riley into the booster seat in the back and tucked Pirate Pete securely into his side. His pirate hat was perched awkwardly on his head and Bella removed it, placing it on the seat next to him. Though Bella wished he would remain this way for the whole journey, she knew that it wouldn't take long for his nightmares to make an appearance. And then what? How could she explain that she had packed up everything they owned in the dead of the night and hit the road? She couldn't help but wonder if he would ever understand.

Bella cringed at the sound of the engine erupting into the quiet street, as she pulled away gently – but she hoped that the noise would get lost in the wind. Though she tried not to, she couldn't help but glance in the rear view mirror at the scene behind her. It was growing smaller and smaller and Bella knew that in a matter of seconds, the house she had grew up in would fade into the darkness and become just a distant memory. Tears streamed gently down her cheeks, but she made no sound – not wanting to interrupt Riley's peace – no matter how short-lived it may be.

Panic built up in her throat as she watched the green scenery morph into a blur. It wasn't too late; she could go back, unpack the car and carry Riley back into his room. Tucking him safely back into his bed. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as she thought?

As her foot waivered on the pedal, her fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly. But what would she do if they decided she wasn't capable of caring for her brother? They would split them up and then what? Nobody wants to adopt two siblings with a twelve-year age difference. What family would want to simultaneously raise an awkward teenager and a cranky four year old?

Nobody, that's who. They would be forced to live separately, tearing her away from the only family she had left. Granted Riley would probably end up in a loving family, with a mother and father figure who could dote on him and give him everything he may ever need. But she would be destined to group homes, drugs, sex and violence.

How could she just let some person, someone that barely even knew both her and Riley make arguably the biggest decision in their lives?

Finally determined, Bella pressed her foot back to the pedal and continued onto the road ahead of her. She wished she had another choice, but it was all becoming blindly clear. Clear that if she didn't act, she would soon loose another person that she loved. Responsibility had fallen into her hands and if this meant that she would never be separated from the little boy sleeping soundlessly in the back seat, then this was a risk she was willing to take. She just hoped that it had been the right one.

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**Song Recs**

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

Running Away - Midnight Hour

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Love, hate, confused or bored? All thoughts are welcomed!


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